Did you know that masturbation and femme self pleasure does not have to be penetrative?! As obvious as it is I recently came to this realization. Partnered or alone, penerative sex has long been my norm- that is until I challenged my pleasure practice to intergrate new sensations. I used to limit my pleasure to one area of my body, which was limiting myself from feeling the depth of pleasure when I engage my Full body. Now I can bring myself to orgasm without penetration in its place the power of sensation of touch and noticing of my body. I’ve learned how to do this through Bondage and rope play.
At the intersection of my Healing and Pleasure journey exist Bondage. I am in the month nine of practicing this sensual art form. I became interested in BDSM culture by follow Asha, Black Dom on instagram. Her practice is centered on using BDSM as a tool for Healing Trauma while also engaging the body in pleasure primarily on Black Femme bodies. After following her for some months, I paid for a phone consultation that changed my life for the better. Through our conversation we discussed many things – who I am, my interests in kink, and my health both physical and mental. From that information she gathered, she assessed what type of play would be best for me. I was fortunate that my kinky interest for BDSM play aligned with what she believed would fit my personal needs: Rope play and bondage!
Rope play and bondage is soothing for folk that experience anxiety and depression because when tied properly it simulates the same comfort as a newborn being swaddled. Asha explained to me that us humans never grow out of that need of being held to help ourselves calm down and rope play brings about those comforts. She then explained to me steps to follow as I began my journey into Rope play and bondage . First step was learning the Ropes, Literally.
Asha suggested the best rope length to begin with and for me to learn them intimately.First, I had to get used to tying them around my limbs and body (with surgical scissors always handy!) before allowing myself to be anyone’s lil rope bunny. As I tie the ropes she invited me to breathe. I make it a practice to notice my breath with each movement my hands make with the ropes in them. I let my mind focus on what I am doing- how tight or loose I am tying them and any adjustments I need to make, in real time.
Although her suggestion was for me to practice my ropes alone without partnered play for the first three month of play , I am now at nine months of solo play. In this time I have found ropes to be a useful tool for when I feel a range of emotions from anxious, overwhelmed, sad, and sexy. I play music for myself, burn incense and begin my personal session: I mediate in my ropes. I take sexy selfies and videos when the mood strikes me. I feel and touch all over myself and ropes everytime ensuring it is always enjoyable. In those moments I feel deeply powerful to know that I can grant myself both peace and pleasure with my Ropes and my own two hands.
As many of our’s Hot Girl Summer come to a close, I felt it would be best to recap the music we have been blasting this past season! Here is a countdown of the some of the best femmes that dropped songs within the year. If you missed out on the festivities this summer, don’t even worry – I included dope femmes that give us music for all four seasons !
This young lyricist brings the punches on her tracks . On her latest EP released across platforms she unleashes the whiplash crazed tongue of hers in songs like freestyle and more- Listen here!
Sampa the great
Feel the gap of the vast Black Diaspora close listening to this rapper. Sampa infuses sounds of her home in Zambia , Africa Traditional Religion , speaking power of matriarchy with a flow that is a modern twist if Erykah Badu was a spokenwordsmith. Listen as she invites listeners to breathe, to dance, and to move into Action.
she is a personal fave ! this Buffalo Based Rapper lyrics encompasses her journey through mental health , love and navigating life as a Black femme in a male dominated society. Her content isn’t the only thing of value- her artistic take with beats and visuals are an additional treat. Stream her music here!
self- described as “high priestess of sounds. who create ratchet spiritual, channeling ancestors, fall into some higher spiritual dimensions.” Listen here! !
Megan Thee Stallion
Creator of thee Hot Girl Summer Playlist does not shy away from stating her worth is not for negotiation. and that her goals are for her to obtain. She does this all while giving us bops to twerk until our knees give out – give her latest album a Listen here!
Think Weird kid mixed with mad scientist typa vibe and you get one Whacky World. Tierra’s mastery of lyrics over dizzing beats will have your ears begging for more! Listen to her latest single!
Saweetie channels unapologetic Black Girl vibes as she plays with fun lyrics about what she likes and how she is seen. Give her a Listen!
This magical duo of conscious rappers focuses on their spiritual path intersecting with the current movement for Black Liberation. Become filled with nostalgia as they mix vibes reminiscent of Lauryn Hill and Erykah Badu with their own unique sound. Listen to their beautiful journey here!
Doja playfully dabbles with different beats and her flow giving us new flavors of music to move to. Listen to her latest music here!
I had to give a honourable mention to OG femme rapper Rapsody who released this ode to Black Women. It would be a great injustice to us if I bypassed her latest star studded album, Eve. Listen to her as she uplifts the memories of famous Black Women with songs like Sojourner and more !
Kelila came to my room for the uptheeth time that night, extra fussy. It was 11:30 pm. I walked her back to her room when I noticed what was on her bed. I looked over at Zaire’s long sleeping body and smiled. Before Zaire drifted off to sleep, he extended the best comfort he knew he could to his baby sister. I felt the warmth of pride from that. I held Kelila’s hand as she climbed back into bed.
“Do you know who made this?” I asked her.
She shook her head to each side rattling barretts against her pillow case.
“Grandma Mary ..” I lay next to her and pull Zaire’s quilt up over us.
“Grandma Mary is papa’s mom. She’s my g’ma . wanna hear a story about her ?” Kelila shook her up and down as she cuddled more into me, pulling my arms around her body .
I told her stories about the Alchemy of Grandma Mary’s hands. How she carried in her muscle memory cultivating the ground to bring forth life from South Carolina into the backyard of a new northern city. She passed on gardening to her children and grandchildren like me. Grandma Mary raised all seven of her children with those hands and generations followed up after that.
. When the majority of us Grand children had children of our own , we gathered at Grandma Mary’s house for a special ceremony .Each family contributed food that we cooked for this gathering. We stuffed ourselves of dinner and dessert then gathered into the living room.We crowded into the room until our bodies overflowed onto the stairs and into the dinning room to see the Grand unveiling. Grandma Mary sat in her arm chair placed in front of the television facing everyone with cloth bags stacked beside her. She had been working on quilts for all her Great – Grandchildren and this was the day she gifted those creations to them. She called each Great Grand Child – from oldest to youngest by name up to come sit on her lap. She unfolded each quilt and placed it around their bodies then held it up for everyone to see. Each of us parent snapped photos to capture this special moment. For every child and grandchild that came after she made quilts and afghans for us . All of us in our homes still had our first quilts . We knew that regardless of our beliefs these blankets had powers. The cloth was held in her palms as she wove her love in with each stitch and thought of us personally.
“When you pull this quilt over you, you are covered by Grandma Mary’s protective energy . No harm can find you, nothing scary can come get you. Because what Grandma Mary’s hands makes grows and lives free, as long as it is under her protection, and within reach of her energy.” I told Kelila. I kissed her cheek good night as she relaxed and drifted off into a sound sleep.